To get off to a good start every day, a husband should smile when he meets his wife and vice versa. This smile is an introductory announcement of agreement and compromise.
“A smile in your brother’s face is charity.”
And Allah’s Messenger (Blessings and Peace of Allah be upon him) always wore a smile on his face.
“Greet one another with a greeting from Allah [i.e. say:As-Salaamu ‘AIaykum] blessed and good.”
(Qur’an 24:61)
“When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or [at least] return it equally.”
(Qur’an 4:86)
Also, upon resuming one’s domestic life, by which I mean, upon entering one’s home, one should always make the prescribed supplication:
“O’ Allah, I ask you for the best of entries and the best of exits. By Allah’s name do we enter and by Allah’s name do we exit. And upon Allah, our Lord, do we place our trust.”
To speak in a friendly tone also breeds understanding in the home:
“And say to My slaves [i.e. the true believers of Islamic Monotheism] that they should [only] say those words that are the best.”
(Quran 17:53)
Would that both husband and wife remember the good points of the other, forgetting the negative ones. When a husband keeps the positive aspects of his wife in his mind while forgetting (or at least blocking out) her defects, he will find peace and happiness.
An Arab poet said:
“Who is the one who has never erred?
And who is the possessor of pure good?”
“And had it not been for the Grace of Allah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allah purifies [guides to Islam] whom He wills, and Allah is All-Hearer, All-Knower.”
(Quran 24:21)
Minor and trifling matters are the causes of most domestic problems, and I myself have witnessed many marriages that ended in divorce, not because of irreconcilable differences, but because of something small and unimportant. One such domestic strife began because the house was not clean; another resulted because dinner was not cooked on time; the cause of yet another was the woman’s objection to the inordinate number of guests coming to see her husband. A list of these and other problems can end up tearing a family apart, leaving children without a father or a mother.
It is incumbent upon us to live in a world of reality (especially as regards to our spouses) and not to dream up a Utopia, one that has to be realized in the home. We as humans can become angry and irritable, weak and erring. Therefore, when we speak about or search for domestic bliss, we should keep the concept of relative happiness in mind, and not total happiness.
The agreeable nature and good companionship of Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal deserves mention here. He said after the death of his wife, “She has been my companion for forty years, and in that span of time, I never had a disagreement with her.”
The husband must remain quiet when his wife becomes angry and vice versa, at least until the anger subsides and the storm abates.
Ibn al-Jawzi said in Sayd al-Khaatir:
“When your companion becomes angry and says something that is unwarranted, you should not take it too hard. His situation is that of a drunken person who is not aware of what is taking place. Instead, be patient, even if it means only for a little while. If you reciprocate his words with harsh words of your own, you become like the sane person who seeks revenge on a madman, or the conscious person who seeks retribution from an unconscious one. Look at him with a merciful eye and pity him for his actions.”
Know that as soon as he awakes from this state, he will feel regretful for what happened, and he will come to recognize your value because of your patience. You should especially be patient if the angry person is either a spouse or a parent. Let them say whatever they want until they calm down and do not hold them accountable for their words. Whenever the angry person is met with anger, his anger will fail to subside, even after he has revived from his state of drunkenness.
[SOURCE: Laa Tahzaan – Don’t Be Sad]
Leave a Reply